New Missionary Handbook

Heey:) 

As you all know, I am a re-known and famous comedian:D Everyone just loves my comedy;)
And you may also know how much I love missionaries etc etc:D Anyway, I think the mission rules are really strict and I mainly just read them through to laugh at what my Elders are not allowed to do;) I don't think they are unnecessary- but they are just a line of restrictions that doesn't seem to end... So here is my version of the handbook without ANY restriction! haaa!

The New Unofficial LDS Mission Handbook:

All LDS full-time missionaries are bound to an 84-page-long white handbook full of restrictive rules. As it is awfully depressing to read only rules, I decided to set up the (much shorter) Missionary Handbook of freedoms. They may seem self-evident, but are not! A missionary life is one of the hardest if you ask me and every freedom granted is a blessing. Have fun! 

Note: the following text does not represent the values and teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and is no official church document. The text does not intend to harass or criticize the official missionary rules. The text is based on the official mission handbook.

1.    Language: You are allowed to vocally communicate not only while teaching an investigator but also when interacting with your current companion. This communication may occur at all times of the day (see schedule) and in a respectable manner. You may compliment your companion and ask his opinion on missionary matters. Additionally, you are permitted to vocally communicate with the members in you ward in an appropriate language style. You may speak in a sophisticated manner –it is not a sin to sound proper when serving a mission. Never forget to address your mission leaders, such as the District Leader, Zone Leader, Mission President, Bishop, Young Women class presidents and your companion with their current title, eg. “Elder…” “Sister…” “President…”. You are permitted to forget members’ first names and call them by their surnames only. This may be easier as many family members share the same surname. Make sure you contact your Heavenly Father as often as possible and use appropriate language during prayer.

2.    Dress and Grooming: Despite your social class you may dress like a business man or woman during your mission. Elders may wear shirts, suits and ties on every day of the week. Sister Missionaries may wear appropriate skirts and dresses. Daily showering and bathing is permitted. Missionaries may choose a neat and tidy personal hairstyle to wear. Never forget to draw attention on the values you represent.  

3.    Schedule: Your schedule begins at 6:30 am. You may be permitted to work out during the morning. Missionaries may have three meals a day, one in the morning, at 7:30 am, one after noon which might be changed according to the missionaries’ needs and one before 6:00pm. The missionaries may choose and purchase any food wished to be eaten during the meals. You may take two hours of the morning to learn the lessons and language spoken in you mission individually and then in companion study. This may be done from 8:00 am to 9:00 am. You may plan for following days to avoid free time. This may be done in the evening, before retiring to bed comparably early: at 10:30 pm.

4.    Study: Even though your first priority is to bring souls unto Christ, you may take time to prepare classes and to repair and take care of your scriptures. You may be creative by crafting a protective case. You may also read modern mission-approved magazines such as but not limited to the Ensign, New Era and The Friend. You may individually choose the language you wish to speak in with your companion throughout the day. However, you are advised to speak in the assigned mission language.

5.    Sundays and Holidays: You may be permitted to work through official weekends and holidays such as Sundays, Christmas, Easter etc. and use this time to further preach the gospel to the people in your area. Additionally, you may attend church meetings in the ward you are assigned to as well as General Conference broadcasts. You may interact with members in your local ward by sitting next to them during sacrament meeting. You may be permitted to fast during the first Sunday of a month.

6.    Communicating with Family on Preparation Day: You may write positive emails and letters to you family and friends. The mission has graciously set-up a special day for this activity: The preparation day, also known as P-Day.  To your safety and protection you may use the filtered Email service of the Church, myLDSMail.net. By using only this Email service you may be protected of spam, advertisements and other harms. Church leaders may read your Emails to make sure you are not distracted by frequent Emails from people of the opposite gender. This may be done for your own security and should be thankfully accepted. Additionally, you may also share you families’ or girlfriends’ cheesy and embarrassing Emails with your companion by sitting right next to them and watching their monitor closely while Emailing on the Preparation Day. This is encouraged by church leaders to strengthen the bond between two missionary companions.

7.    Entertainment: You may watch exactly one movie during your mission, Legacy (1990), with your companion. This prevents any possible tensions and dispute between you and your companion that could drive away the spirit. You may listen to encouraging music such as music from the Tabernacle Choir and Christmas Carols to help the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sell more CD’s. You may be permitted to use a camera during your mission to take pictures of the environment, converts and missionary companions. You may also be permitted to send pictures to relatives and friends as Email attachments.

8.    Chastity: Missionaries are permitted to skip this chapter of the mission handbook, as this embarrassing issue is widely taught and known and therefore also unnecessary in the handbook. Any missionary that obeyed the law of chastity before entering into the mission field will most likely continue obeying this law. Members that have never given much importance to it before serving a mission are aware of it and the chapter “Chastity” in the mission handbook will most likely not change their perspective.

9.    Relationships with Others: You may strengthen and help your companion and build a good and healthy relationship to him or her. You may stay with your companion day and night and resemble a burdock. Also, you may encourage your companion to be righteous and obedient. You may have distanced and cleansed small-talk with people of the opposite gender. You may also visit and teach members of your local ward and are permitted to accept dinner invitations from members. You may encourage converts by writing them letters. Your family may skype with you twice a year, mostly Christmas and Mothers day. This will make your conversations more meaningful.

10.  Community Service: You are permitted to help others while serving a mission. This may also include church leaders, members and investigators.

I hope you liked it:)) To end this post, I would like to let everyone know that I respect the mission rules and I think they are rather a protection than a restriction -when written in the correct style!:D

Love, Tabs xoxox